Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Struggling

I am really struggling this week and I’m not even sure what with. I got a case of the blues I think. Well I don’t think, I KNOW I got the blues. It’s been confirmed because I’m struggling with Gratituesday .

I am having a hard time finding something to be grateful for!! HOW SAD IS THAT!?! I have been thinking on this post since last weeks posting and come up empty. So what is going on you ask…well I can summarize. I need to summarize otherwise it will sound like am seeking pitty party. 
The biggest contributor to my blue-ness was Easter. I know, Easter. I know it’s not starting out very Gratituesday-ey but hang in there with me; I’ll circle back. I planned this elaborate Treasure Hunt for the kid. I had stuff hidden and clues galore and it was an interesting switch form our traditional Easter activities. While we’re working through the hunt my 9 year old daughter keeps making comment about how Mom did this, not the Easter Bunny. Dad did that, not the Easter Bunny. Until yesterday both of my kids believed. I finally pulled my daughter aside and asked her if she thought it would help adjust her attitude if she knew truth? Or would it ruin the image she currently enjoys. She said she wanted to know. I told her. No Easter Bunny, it’s ME! She was fine. She told me my son was also suspicious because they have been having conversations about this all the while. So I go to my son and explain that while we believe in the magic and spirit of Easter the bunny is in fact, not real.

He had no idea.

He was crushed.

Mom was angry.

And any of you who have gone through this probably know that if you take out the Bunny, you also get the tooth fairy and Santa. I spent the next hour getting ready for Easter Service at church and being peppered with questions about this and that (who eats the cookies? Who puts the $ under the pillow??????? And on and on while trying to feed everyone, make sure teeth are brushed, clothes are appropriate, hair is in good shape and consoling a sad 11 year old whose world I just rocked with a ton of truth. I was just sad. I felt defeated. I sat through service feeling the same way. Until Easter Sunday I can honestly say when I it through service it’s the most wonderful time because at one point or another the pastor is going to say something that makes me feel as though God tapped him on the shoulder and said ‘reach out and touch her; say this’ and out it comes. Leaving me with an overwhelming calm, renewed energy and a hunger for more. Yesterday I heard and felt nothing. I prayed on it ‘Please God help me focus. Help me hear’ and nothing. Made me sad, but here’s the bright side and the reason I post on this Gratitudesday:
Thank you GOD for being patient with me. I need it now more than I can express. I am on the pitty pot right now but I will soon get off and find my way back to you again. 
I am grateful He is patient. Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

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