A Parental Dilema

I love the church I attend. It’s fun for the parents, fun for the kids for the kids and I learn so much. I grew up in a different faith so the refreshing perspective of this church is wonderful!!!! On Wednesday evenings there is a program for 3 years through 5^th grade. It’s also a wonderful program without 150 kids in attendance each and every week. But leave it to me to have a problem. It’s not a problem with the program it’s a problem with the other children. I arrive at the church early as I am a coordinator to feed the volunteers who teach the kids. This responsibility is new to me this year so there’s been some

Bumps but overall it’s been wonderful. I’ve met so many people and eaten some very tasty treats. While I am in the kitchen making sure the food is fresh, presentable, the crummies are attended to and the drink pitcher is full, my son is playing in the sanctuary usually with a ball of sorts. He gets wild, he is an 11 year old with ADHD so I have to check in on him a lot to make sure nothing is damaged or broken. As the parents and their children arrive the activity in the sanctuary increases to where I have to check in more frequently. If I find the activity is in a bad place and I am no able to send them outside, I confiscate whatever is causing the riff-raff, usually it’s a ball of sorts. I should note our church used to be a winery. I know, right!? But it’s beautiful building that’s been transformed to be a wonderful place. There is a large 10,000 square foot room with all the chairs removed to accommodate the kids, that’s our sanctuary.

So, moving on to about 2 months ago. There was a leadership meeting to discuss lesson’s learned, building needs, needs of the children etc. What came out of the meeting was to keep the children under-control during the dinner hour. Fine, works for me and I understand their concern. What I didn’t know is there were some kids who were sneaking away and getting into storage bins taking items and either taking them home or playing with them. I gathered my kiddos and talked to them about these items because I want to know if they are involved. They are not and I believe them. The thing about these kids is they can’t lie. They try but it doesn’t work and it never has. They either start crying immediately or they circle back and confess their wrong doing. I then explained that I 100% believe them but felt it was only fair to cover the items to reinforce doing the right thing. 2 things we have to remember are:

1. Set an example by doing good, doing the right thing
2. It’s fun at church but it’s still God’s house, treat it as such

So my kids have been very good. I mean it. I am no one of those mothers who is oblivious to the antics of my children. They can be very stinky and mischievous and when they do they are disciplined appropriately. Overall though I don’t have to get on them that much especially in public. With an ADHD boy this has been a monumental task and we don’t always hit the mark but we teach as much as we can and correct what he is capable of understanding. But they are good kids.

Well flash forward to last night. When it all went to pot for me was when the other children carried on in such a way that they never heard anything about this email and the request to correct our behavior. So my kids are looking at me like ‘why can they do it but I can’t. I have an answer to that question but as active and busy kiddos my answer would leave me resentful. They did resent me. I had to punish my poor son last week because he yet again, refused to eat the food the volunteer served. So I grounded him from an activity. He spent the night crying off and on just sad and mad at me. My goal is to help him see that food is food, it’s not always our favorite thing or even good for that matter or we’d rather have something else. But unless it’s squid or raw buffalo meat, you give it a shot or eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s a respect thing and your goal is to fuel your body to get you through the evening ready to learn and have fun, not to enjoy a nice sit down meal at someone else’s expense.

So this leaves me second guessing my behavior toward my kids. I am torn and find myself asking about the fairness in all of this. I hold my kids to a high standard and 95% of the time they are compliant. Perhaps they are all messed up because of me and I just don’t see it, I don’t know. Am I conveying my quandary? I don’t want them to behave in the way the other kids do, but it makes the discipline piece of this very hard for me. Do you ever find yourself in the same predicament?? How do you handle or cope or explain this??? To the kids?? To anyone around who would take witness to this??

Even in this post I feel I waver back and forth not knowing what the right thing is and there is no formula. Parenting is tough and often painful and you never really truly know if you’ve made the right decision on many issues. Tossing out there for a lesson in experience. What was yours!?